I have a complicated relationship to anti-aging. On one hand I am all for every woman doing whatever she wants in all regards of her life. On the other hand it breaks my heart that there is a multi-billion dollar industry catering to female insecurity fueled by the male lens.
I had to break it down for myself. I admit that I judged other women until quite recently for getting botox, fillers, boob jobs and other work. I judged them harshly and slotted them into the “they are broken on the inside lane”. As much as I blamed the patriarchy, I also thought less of them for buckling to it.
I had to check myself as some of my closest friends has gotten boob jobs, fillers and botox. I had to reconcile why I felt so strongly about it. For most of my life, I have been slotted in the above average pretty lane. Nothing I accomplished, simply my genetic make up that delivered. It has given me opportunities and an advantage over others. That is the world we are living in, pretty gets paid.
My Mom was obsessed with stopping the clock of aging. Whatever scam the beauty industry was peddling, she bought it all. She told me “Torun, one day you will become invisible and you will understand”. She was right, I had that “aha” moment at 38 when I was traveling with my beautiful daughter at the time aged 17. The thing is, I felt relief the first 10 years of being invisible to the male lens. Finally, the unwanted attention and sexual harassment would no longer be a burden. I still feel that way. I am fine being invisible to men, for the most part. However, I do have an issue of feeling invisible to myself.
At MM (my home down south) where I spend long stretches by myself and may not see another human being for days, I glam for myself. I dress, have a skin care routine and set my hair most days. It is all for me. And lately I have missed the girl I used to see in the mirror. I am beginning to understand my friends. I have also begun to question if there was a difference between what some of my friends were doing vs. what I was doing to still feel pretty. I concluded there really is not.
Here is what I do to chase the young girl in the mirror:
Hair: See other articles. 75 USD per month.
Face: NuFace micro current treatments. Takes a shitload of time but it works. In addition to a 250 USD per month skincare regimen, compliments of Cult Beauty.
Body: A moisturising routine that would please Hannibal Lecter. Clarice, put the lotion in the basket. Add another 50 USD per month here. Current obsession: Herlum Copa Dew Oil.
I know the 9-year old Sephora girls probably outspend me (how sad that whole development is by the way) but 375 USD spend per month is 4500 USD per year. What am I chasing and for whose lens? I will continue to analyse this. I am a little less judgy but still torn. To be continued.
Of course the "male lens" has it's impact, but why do women care? The reverse is also valid, the "female lens" and why do men care? Could it simply be that, historically, to survive women needed the protection of a man, and there are certain attributes that are subconsciously attractive to the other sex, male or female. At this level beauty to men it is being able to carry children (youth), plump and red lips, accentuated features, or whatever the beauty ideals of the day are or were. Men have also had to present themselves in a manner to attract the "best" woman, big, strong, capable, prosperous, etc. That is all part nature. I don't like losing my hair so…